Rooms Available for Freaks

Are There Rooms in Heaven For Freaks?

No, and yes. You are welcome without doubt. Anyone can come to the Lord as they are. Heaven is a home of eternal happiness, not temporary. Where your sins and diseases die with the flesh, and wither away on earth. We’ll live together and forever in our true form. The freak you think you are is no more, so don’t think our gates won’t open for you because you’re different. I love different. We need it

The same rusty mirror that you see yourself in is not what we see.

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new words to add to my brain library

 

VERBIAGE
noun
  1. 1.
    speech or writing that uses too many words or excessively technical expressions.
    synonyms: verbosity, wordiness, prolixity, long-windedness, loquacityrigmarolecircumlocutionsuperfluityperiphrasis

    “Professor Chin’s verbiage is tiresome”
  2. 2.
    US
    the way in which something is expressed; wording or diction.
    “we need to look at how the rule should be applied, based on the verbiage”

adjusting

 

 

ADJUSTING

 

 

In this lifelong quest to find the end of eternity

Every day, I wake in a human shell with the eyes of a great spirit

Looking at the reflection of every emotion mirrored by the image of my imagination

I search far and wide to find synonyms for the ghetto slang I hear in the hood

To use articulate words that even baffles my intelligence, challenging other perspectives to reciprocate

I try to switch my attitude with gratitude, one day at a time

Walk with pride when my head high

Know humility when my head drop

Be fearless when I’m afraid

Curious when I don’t know

Proactive when time ticks

Sleep when I’m tired

Eat when I’m hungry

Learn when I’m bored

 

So life got a little easier

The struggle became an adjustment

I’m waking up every morning,

Going to sleep every night pleased with me

That alone is a major accomplishment

I can take money out the bank when I need it

I can put money in the bank when I have it

I’m used to living off of my friends

Adopting families to fit in

Wearing other people clothes

I slept in many uncomfortable positions

Outside in the rain, snow and blistering heat

I know what it’s like to be homeless

Have a room and not be allowed in the house

I know what it’s like to be told I love you

But you can’t stay here from your own family

Then, find a stranger to befriend for shelter and security

I know what it’s like to walk for hours and sleep on the PATH train

I don’t know how to pay rent and bills

I’m definitely not a chef, and never home anyway

Sometimes I feel like I might as well sleep outside

I don’t know the difference between National Grid and Con Ed

My biggest concern of the day is, what am I going to put in my tummy

It’s too hard to concentrate carrying an empty stomach

 

When the struggle isn’t a struggle anymore

I realize it’s just an adjustment
that I been fighting all these years

Didn’t realize how easy life could be

Until I realized the only thing missing was me

Instead of being isolated and depressed that I’m not where I want to be

Like I’ve always been, I’m accepting my responsibilities and duties to adjust where I am

As I develop values and boundaries protecting me from unworthy disturbances

I focus on the end result of all my troubles to see the need for the good, the bad, and the ugly

 

 

After all the chemicals I intoxicated myself with left me dry and drained of all my energy

The emptiness that led my dangerous habits still haunt me

The therapy progresses every day, which may not be fast enough for those who don’t understand

This is a delicate process, my spirit is fragile

The glue holding my shattered pieces together is still wet, fresh out the tube

Someone got to hold me together before I can stand alone. That someone is me

Interdependently, I need an audience to speak

Well. (LOL)  sometimes I don’t.  Humor’s needed sometime. (TMI)  

I laugh at me

I stare at me

I learn me

I love me. (So much I’m attracted to everyone who looks a little like me)

All I need to do is be that. Me.

Adjusting….

 

#theellisink

12-14-17

 

 

 

Interdependence

I learned two new words this year, and I ain’t even make it back to school yet. Feels good to know that there are people who can do things I can’t. Feels good to know I don’t have to do it all. Feels good to be a part of something bigger than myself

 

 

I get bipolar as the weather, guess that’s the only way my racing mind could balance the mania……

Fuck the wrong side of bed, I’m on the wrong side of EVERYTHING

#FML

it was better behind bars
I’m never alone and always someone to talk to there. I took some time away from all I know to find something better and found the worst. Thought a geographic change would help, but I’m more lonely and depressed than ever now. I should have just stayed homeless on my girlfriend’s floor with all her kids jumping on top of my head, since that’s the only future I saw for myself in NJ. A lonely deadbeat father with no kids. My peers think I’m retarded, my family think I’m crazy, and I feel stupid. Like on the edge of throwing my life away. For real, fuck a bipolar shzio who give a fuck, fake ass dumb ass pill not going to make my life better. Breaking my phone and buying a new one is not going to change my contact list. TBH, I’m MAD AS HELL I CANT TURN THIS HEAT OFF, CANT BREATHE, CANT SLEEP AND LAYING ON THE FLOOR TRYING TO COOL OFF. ITS HOT AS HELL OUTSIDE AND THE HEAT BLASTING IN HERE. WTF, WTF ,WTF IM BOUT TO GO RUN THE STREETS SINCE I CANT SLEEP AND MY APT UNCOMFORTABLY HOT AS FUCKING HELL

 

 

If I don’t let my frustrations out they will pile and get much worse. I can’t fix something if I don’t know what’s wrong with it…..

 

#safetyfirst #accountability #acknowledgement

…dessel’B

Blessed beyond measure

when you enjoy life’s treasure

You never want to close your eyes

 

 

It’s a great to time to cry out your tears

never too late to tackle your fears

The world is a big clock who’s time been distorted

 

Tomorrow not promised to no one

make the best of every single hour

What else will you have to smile for tomorrow

 

Speaking from the 💓

moving through the people

You can’t see love or time, but we all know it’s there too……….