Zneakerz

Nike’s for g’z

Jordanz for hoodratz

Foamz for hustlers

The rest for clowns

 

We laugh at the struggle

Like its a joke

Our minds distorted

When we segregate ourselves

With ignorance

 

Pay less to pay more

Go broke to be rich

Then look down at your feet

And say, DAMN what a long day

 

BOOTS FOR SOLDIERS

 

THE INCONCEIVABLE

When your stuck in grief of a loved one

What respect can you give them for life

Why stay trapped in that prison of despair

Where is your faith

How can you complete your puzzle

Life is more than a simple riddle

It’s as complex as my racing thoughts

In the infancy of my recovery

It’s hard to believe all of this is real

I know we all have problems, but

I wonder how many of us can solve them

Anxiety Gives Me Something to Write About

Racing thoughts never slow me down

Even in my sleep, I actively dream

Kicking, swinging, screaming to escape

At times I even wake up wet

Not even trying to imagine how

 

One hour, Two hours

Three hours, now five

Eyes getting low, it’s 3am

But I wanna do push-ups

So, instead I pulled out my notebook

 

Writing helps me see inside my mind

After I scratch this out

Add that, and

Move words around

I just created a new page

 

Impulsive, Narcissistic, Co-dependent

Grouchy, Annoyed, yet

Unbothered.

If I had all the answers

I’d be a doctor

 

Anxiety gives me something to write about

While waiting for the sun to rise

I slip into unconsciousness

Awake before reaching the third stage of sleep

Tired as ever, and it’s only Monday morning

depression

I OFTEN FEEL LOST IN A LABYRINTH OF FEELINGS,

LOOKING OUTWARD TO FIND PEACE WITHIN.

USUALLY PUTTING MYSELF IN VULNERABLE SITUATIONS,

TAKING RISKS IS SO THREADED IN MY  PERSONALITY.

HIDING MY TRUE FEELINGS BEHIND DRAMATIC EXPRESSIONS,

DRESSING UP THE OUTSIDE, PRETENDING TO BE CONFIDENT.

WHEN DEEP DOWN INSIDE I FEEL LIKE AN INSECURE CHILD,

LETTING RACING THOUGHTS BUILD INTO ANXIETY,

DISGUISING MYSELF FROM LOVED ONES, TRUSTING STRANGERS.

ACCEPTING THE CHANGES IN MY LIFE AIN’T EASY,

NOW MY NEW PHONE SMASHED, AND TRASHED.

“News at 12”

“News at 12”

When it’s my time to go
There’s no way around it
When I can’t sleep at night I find other things to do
When the world seems to be ending
I smile and say it’s just the beginning

People can be so cruel
The news can have one-sided views
The strangest things on Earth
Don’t seem so strange
When the common things
Are out of this world

I may be a loony tune
In and out of jails and institutions
They can bill my Medicaid everyday
They need the medicine more than I do
All I want is an education
And the money to pay for it

Years of therapy taught me much I didn’t know
Relationships built around trust developed
Letting my secrets go
To the care of a professional
Gave me courage to step outside my comfort
And examine new options that saved my life

Coming out of a hostile environment
It’s hard to tell the difference
Between your enemies and friends
You even isolate yourself from kin
And hide yourself from you

Backwards 2015

2015

BACKWARDS,

Where Am I Going

Feels like I’m going backwards

Something’s got a hold of me

In a new place with the same feelings

When I’m hurt I go back to who and what I know

The same people who have been there for years

That shouldn’t be a bad thing

I been trying to change for years

Still feel the same

In and out of many relationships

Still love the same man

Am I going backwards?

Is it just me?

I should have the same friends

Love the same man

Always be me

What do I want to change?

My productivity and status in society

The people I love have nothing to do with that

I got my associates and assholes

Accepted in a four year University

Been living on my own for years

Hold my own

Pay for my own consequences

Celebrate my accomplishments

Seem to be going somewhere

Just not getting there fast enough

I’m on a treadmill running in the same spot

Trying to hold on to everything I got

While the world turn upside down

And spin backwards