adjusting

 

 

ADJUSTING

 

 

In this lifelong quest to find the end of eternity

Every day, I wake in a human shell with the eyes of a great spirit

Looking at the reflection of every emotion mirrored by the image of my imagination

I search far and wide to find synonyms for the ghetto slang I hear in the hood

To use articulate words that even baffles my intelligence, challenging other perspectives to reciprocate

I try to switch my attitude with gratitude, one day at a time

Walk with pride when my head high

Know humility when my head drop

Be fearless when I’m afraid

Curious when I don’t know

Proactive when time ticks

Sleep when I’m tired

Eat when I’m hungry

Learn when I’m bored

 

So life got a little easier

The struggle became an adjustment

I’m waking up every morning,

Going to sleep every night pleased with me

That alone is a major accomplishment

I can take money out the bank when I need it

I can put money in the bank when I have it

I’m used to living off of my friends

Adopting families to fit in

Wearing other people clothes

I slept in many uncomfortable positions

Outside in the rain, snow and blistering heat

I know what it’s like to be homeless

Have a room and not be allowed in the house

I know what it’s like to be told I love you

But you can’t stay here from your own family

Then, find a stranger to befriend for shelter and security

I know what it’s like to walk for hours and sleep on the PATH train

I don’t know how to pay rent and bills

I’m definitely not a chef, and never home anyway

Sometimes I feel like I might as well sleep outside

I don’t know the difference between National Grid and Con Ed

My biggest concern of the day is, what am I going to put in my tummy

It’s too hard to concentrate carrying an empty stomach

 

When the struggle isn’t a struggle anymore

I realize it’s just an adjustment
that I been fighting all these years

Didn’t realize how easy life could be

Until I realized the only thing missing was me

Instead of being isolated and depressed that I’m not where I want to be

Like I’ve always been, I’m accepting my responsibilities and duties to adjust where I am

As I develop values and boundaries protecting me from unworthy disturbances

I focus on the end result of all my troubles to see the need for the good, the bad, and the ugly

 

 

After all the chemicals I intoxicated myself with left me dry and drained of all my energy

The emptiness that led my dangerous habits still haunt me

The therapy progresses every day, which may not be fast enough for those who don’t understand

This is a delicate process, my spirit is fragile

The glue holding my shattered pieces together is still wet, fresh out the tube

Someone got to hold me together before I can stand alone. That someone is me

Interdependently, I need an audience to speak

Well. (LOL)  sometimes I don’t.  Humor’s needed sometime. (TMI)  

I laugh at me

I stare at me

I learn me

I love me. (So much I’m attracted to everyone who looks a little like me)

All I need to do is be that. Me.

Adjusting….

 

#theellisink

12-14-17

 

 

 

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